How to Manage Your Vanity

Even though I’m going to stop blogging on this shit posting site in a year, I have things to say.

To whom it may concern, incite, displease, enlighten, delight, diminish, replenish, enrage, engage, bore, give the hiccups to, cause the hiccups to stop, frighten, calm etc. etc. etc. I have noticed that most self help advice is bullshit and does little to help and more to cause dependency so most self help authors/publishers can make money off your misery and vanity. I did say “most” because there have been a few out there over the millenia that genuinely had your/our best interests at heart BUT very few and many were not of timeless value. My number one antagonist in this arena is/are religious texts that had no real scope or understanding of context and certainly not for evolution of body and mind. Texts, by their initial nature, do not really mature or evolve. Anymore, set in ink is almost synonymous to “set in stone” as many early forms of writing were exactly that. There were no really quick or easy ways to make corrections or revisions without either breaking the stone or clay tablet or having to start all over again with a “clean slate” and make sure the copier remembered where the mistakes all were on the original. I’m sure it was done like this but mostly they got tired of either sledging with a chisel or having to drag a pointed stick through the mud – er- clay over and over and over to the point where they couldn’t be bothered anymore and gave the fuck up!

Since the time of papyrus and various forms of writing fluid came along, things have slightly evolved – at least now we can blame our mistakes on auto-correct, even if it is to blame, no one is so stupid as to make the exact same mistake numerous times without at least wondering if something was wrong with their thought process and not with their buggy WP app. “app” now there’s an ambiguous little snippet if ever there was one. Of course WE, that is the Royal We, have been thoroughly informed that in this context it stands for “application” as in a computer program meant to execute our writing whims by way of electronic manipulations first imagined in Zeds and Ones then translated into more complex “languages” that come closer and closer to our spoken/written tongue, as it were. Who remembers the buggy, ugly – buggly? text editors (sorry, I won’t be covering punch card systems as they don’t look pretty enough to be sufficiently recalled) rendered on ghastly acid green monitors of little swole definition and almost unreadable, followed by the equally buggly one line LCD displays attached to electric typewriters and thus priced astronomically high so few could afford them AND then more monochrome madness from newly marketed “home computers” or PCs (alright that should have been written as Personal Computers but most persons of the early 80s eschewed that title for some odd reasons or other but kept the letters P and C…) which seemed to improve and confuse at the same time the art of processing words more comprehensively(?) You had to read thick volumes of user manuals to understand how to input punctuation marks or redo, edit(?) lines of mistyped text, and even then you needed twelve hours of instructions just to learn how to turn on the damn program, save your writing and turn off the said damn program without pulling your hair out, cursing some divine entity’s supposed name, well mostly their designation really OR smashing the overly priced monitor to bits (back then MANY people mistook the monitor for being the actual computational component of the machine rather than it’s visually rendered-in-light output{don’t bark at me about punch cards AND YES there were printout terminals along with punch cards which were actually an INPUT medium!! STOP YELLING AT ME!!!}) A short while later someone got creative and made visual machine output with more than two colors and all hell broke loose! Now we could color our “page” as well as those letter thingys – I think they’re called “fonts” (oh Odin please don’t get him started on fonts!! PLEASE!!!) and the variations and combinations became vast and grossly complex, but I degrade (almost to the point of decomposing – actually more like smelling pretty ripe and not funky fresh anymore…) – I’m WELL past the point of digression, thank you very much.

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