Sorry About That Rant! And Now for Something Almost Completely Different!!

I guess I’ll be ultra retro and try Tumblr. I’m keeping my Twitter account because I can TWEET from my desktop and laptop. I have that “mini” laptop which used to be called a Netbook back in the early 2010’s and as I said before, it is running Windows 10 home on a relatively slow ARM processor. I had an actual Netbook then and sold it to our school nurse because APS was too freaking cheap to supply our SPED nurse with any equipment so she had to run to the front office if she wanted to save her charts and orders. No worries, she was smart and retired from that shit school district along with a lot of other smart teachers, APE teachers etc. Yeah, I’m still kind of bitter but I don’t feel like going into it right now. Oh, I’m not bitter at the smart staff that got the hell out of there while the gettin’ was good but at some other folks who made my job then a fucking, living hell on Earth – called ADMINISTRATION both at the school and those “running” the district from the evil twin towers of terror!! Anyway…

I’m trying to enjoy my semi-forced retirement aka permanent disability vacation. I grew to despise SPED (look it up) and now want to write more. I kind of grew to hate writing ’cause I had to do a lot of it that was pure bs and not very fun along with going to hundreds of meetings a year to hear how bad we were and if we didn’t get on the ball we would be replaced – HA! The fucking joke was on them! No one wants those shitty jobs – hell they had to beg a lot of us to stay during the big recession or at least our immediate supervisors did because if there were too many unfilled SPED positions, they would get let go. Would you look at that! I went back to my former topic. “BAD, SPED/teacher! I hope this gets better ’cause so far it’s been a load of bs.

I have never really liked the “It gets better!” campaign because sometimes it doesn’t. I’m not much of an elder gay man cheering-on the “YOUTH” I don’t want anyone to fall into despair or to feel they have to commit suicide but sometimes a celebrity going all Rah Rah on young LGBTQ, or for us older farts, GLBT asses really isn’t gonna do much – some – but not much. The “Show” has got to become the “Be”. We are human beings, not human doings… to misquote some obscure but thoughtful Guru somewhere. It still amazes me that most educated adults in America still don’t know what the root of “human”, humor, humanity, humility, humiliation” is. It’s easy but so common that most of us bypass it… Go on, take a guess – except for you Etymologist/Semanticists/Rhetoricians/Taoists/Zen Buddhists know-it-alls! A lot of English teachers don’t really know it off the bat either. Okay, it’s “humus.” Good old earth, soil, dirt, dust+, ground. We are ALL of the earth/Earth aka human and our first order of being is, well, just being. Earth to earth and ashes to ashes. And yes we are golden and star dust because everything for we humans began in the heart of some or a bunch of stars, billions of years ago. No one book or set of books can ever capture who we really are, where we’re from or what is our purpose or if, indeed, there is one. I know science is real and much of it is explainable but I also know, for myself, that there is something before and beyond science that I can’t explain to but a few who have had many similar experiences and yes I know I will be called a “believer” in “Woo!” Oh well then. I do indeed understand the scientists objection to most religions irrational and overemotional response to being – rules from an invisible god or group of gods that can convey some sense of reality but can’t really explain it without becoming petrified – metamorphosed into stone – dogmatized. If what they believe – that “God” is a rock-the same yesterday, today and tomorrow then “He” is truly dead. “God” is no longer dynamic, living, evolving.

What has all this got to do with gay/lesbian etc. youth in hopeless despair? Well to those whose belief in a fairy tale invisible sky daddy who for some reason writes or “inspires” books to be written with tons of rules that only the elite of his faithful can determine which ones to enforce i.e. those pesky 10 (or more) commandments, and the parts of books that tell you to kill those who don’t believe like the ancient Hebrews did, yeah! I’m looking at you Leviticus! and ignore the ones in that very same book that also impose a sentence of death i.e. wearing mixed fabric cloth, eating shellfish, well then I see why LGBTQ youth are saddened and see no real future. If it is truly to get better, then we adults that have “made it this far” need to BE the real example of what getting better is all about. That getting better isn’t just for the youth either – we oldsters are often thrown away to make way for the young. It doesn’t have to be that way either. And where we can begin is by separating the wheat from the chaff – the nutritious stuff from what we can’t digest.

Well I Finally Deleted My Fucking Instagram Account!

I hate most all Social Media!!!!!! FaceFuckBook fucked me over one too many times and then stole and sold my personal information to advertisers without my permission or anyone else that THEY did that to. InstafuckingGram makes you use ONLY your fucking phone to post photos which I hate using my phone for. Why the fuck can’t you take photos then download them onto a desktop and then upload them to InstafuckingGram from there?????? My issues are with trying to look at that fucking tiny screen and text – hate texting- using that fucking stupid on screen “keyboard” that fucks every other letter up making it worse to try and add captions etc. Well I tried their fucking stupid piece of shit product and it failed ME miserably. I can tweet from my computer so what is the fucking deal. The only social media platforms I have left are YouTube, Twitter and my blog.

I’m Still Here! Need to post most every day!

Stephen Sondheim is still freaking alive! Anyone who knows Sondheim will get my title right away for you other heathens – it’s a reference from Follies a musical about aging Vaudeville performers trying to stay relevant in the latter half of the 20th Century.

Are my theatre roots showing?? What kind of dye do I need to cover those??? He hehehehe!

I have some gaming news. I would like to have a section devoted to gamers like me, what I call “Lamer Gamers”. Those of us, young or old, who just don’t play video games very well but still like to play them. Most “pro” gamers are twitch crazy youngsters who only like to compete so they want games to be super hard. We Lamer Gamers like to explore without dying every five to 25 seconds because the mechanics to win means we have to press 20 million buttons or triggers within a span of a micro second in order to defeat an enemy or jump across a casm without falling to our gory deaths. Of course there are those who can’t walk and chew gum at the same time who can drive an automatic shift vehicle unless they are trying to walk, chew gum, text yelp, listen to overly loud music, be sarcastic with their imaninary significan “other” or scream at another driver who just cut them off because they were too slow due to the above concurrent activities.

Lamer Gamers like some “walking simulators” but hey, we’re action junkies too! I play most all AAA titles on EASY mode though I’ve done some Half-Life mods on “normal” and “hard” with a little difficulty but mods are game-play-bait, if you make them too hard, no one will want to play your mods, too easy and no one will want to play them either. There is a “sweet spot” for mods (by mods I mean G Mods {Gary’s Mods} or Russian Rip Offs of Half-life or it’s game engine) and modders usually target tje best Lamer Gamers, which is not saying much but hey, you gotta start somewhere AND Fan boys (still a sexist term but it’s iconic now so whatya gonna do??) The twitch-aholic super competitors won’t waste the time unless the modders have put in super-sweet-ass weapons, insane maps and promises of ironically off-brand product endorsements. They are not even interested in boobs unless the boobs fire RPG rounds or lasers.

Being a senior gay man – a Sextagenarian Polar Bear (60+, overweight, hairy, oldster with mostly white hair and full beard) I’m pretty much left out of the prime gamer demographic i.e. 8 – 32 Year Old BOYS (most all females are left out as well and not just bitchy SJWs who can only cry crocodile tears and whine about the “…unfairness of it all!!” Still haven’t seen HER indigame entries let alone AAA titles. Make the damn games you want to see made and stop slapping the hands of all those post pubescent to way past post adolescent boys, they have more than just a D-pad to wangle with that hand!) There have been some games made for the gay male crowd i.e. Strange Flesh and Dream Daddy: A Dad Dating Simulator (there are a couple others but they are elusive in tracking down or Steam just dumps them after awhile).

Strange Flesh is an indi title along the lines of 16 bit bare hand fight simulators like those of the classic Capcom arcade era but with butch, presumably gay, punk, BDSM and average Joe gay bar types. You play a hunky street wise bar tender out to enlighten average Joes in the ways of man-to-man sex through cigar smoke filled kisses and beating any man, dog or other “thing” who tries to get in your way. It is mostly sarcastic “butch” camp but most Bears will find it funny, especially when our hero kicks “twinks” to the curb and brings average Joes to orgasm. It’s all in dirty good fun.

Dream Daddy: A Dad Dating Simulator was, at least I thought it was going to be, an okay game but the “Daddy” part ruined it. Most of us gay dudes are NOT going to settle down and have children, it’s nice that some do or would like to but it’s not my dream. MY dream DADDY is childless by choice and into ME as his TOP pappa BEAR. I usually don’t like guys younger than forty and I have MANY KINKS as in BDSM – mostly SM and I like talking to persons of all genders and likes who are intelligent and articulate. Most twinks are dumbasses and most of the guys who like them are equally dumbasses. That’s why I’m a BEAR with a BEARD. I wear what I like. I like black leather so I wear it! I like black harness boots so I wear them! I like harnesses and leather suspenders and leather hats etc. SO I WEAR THEM! Then, of course I like other colors so I wear those as well! Whew! all those exclamation points – they wear a guy out. Thought I was going to use another exlamation point, didn’t ya? Tee Hee/Snicker. I got bored with Dream Daddy: A Dad Dating Simulator after about 45 minutes. I still have it in my Steam Library but I really don’t feel like revisiting it any time in the next decade. The art work in it is pretty good but the game play is like the worst point and click “adventure” computer game (think Leisure Suit Larry) crossed with an almost adult version of the classic 60’s board game for girls, Mystery Date! (There IS an exclamation point on the box of this drekky awful board game so don’t blame ME!) Ahem, there are Daddy/Dad’s that have geeky careers and those with, well, creepy careers. Look it up if you don’t believe me.


The title of my blog does have that little end tag of “…And Too Much Tech.” so I’d like to address that part. I have descriptions of each of my current computer devices (I guess I should include my phone but I’m NOT a big smart phone fan, though I do prefer NON-iphones over apple”s over-priced CRAP, and I do use a smart phone, though after my last Samsung Galaxy III (I don’t update every freaking year as I’m on a very fixed income), I decided to go with a very reasonably priced Moto G-6 (under 300 bucks and it packs a lot of good stuff almost comparable with either a high end Samsung or Asshole -er- Apple’s Shite phone line.) I build my own desktops, buy Dell laptops (that’s about to end – Dell, the Owner/CFO himself – not the company – has been pissing me off as of late), Samsung Tablets (less expensive and just as good as Apple’s Shite tablet line) which I use mainly for YouTube, email but NOT porn (and because I HATE texting or typing on a screen keyboard and I had bad experiences with blu-tooth separate keybords) and goofy netbooks from some French manufacturer called Thomson(????) it’s along the line of smaller Chromebook types but this one has Windows 10 – Home – yeah, I know I thought it was stupid too but the ones with the Android like operating systems where tens to hundreds of dollars more. It runs Windbloze on an ARM processor (look it up, I’m too tired to spell it out for you) and it’s not stonkingly fast but it’s serviceable – I’m wanting to use it for cafe blogging/email/some in bed porn viewing – I’m getting bored and annoyed with having to worry about my gamer chair getting skid marks on it while viewing Bear/Hot Daddy porn with my undies and shorts down around my ankles and that damned Dell 17″ Laptop with great graphics and a Ryzen 3 CPU running at 3.5 GhZ is too freaking heavy to lay on my ample belly while trying to fap and I’m afraid of getting lube all over the keyboard and touch pad… so I use my cute little Thomson which barely weighs two pounds and it’s okay graphics are good enough…? I’m hoping to erase Windbloze 10, after the warrenty expires, and replace it with Linux.

Here are some pictures – ENJOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Enough Tech???? Ooops! I forgot my humongo Dell Laptop. Another time I guess. “Look Ma! No skidmarks!!”



It’s That Time of the Month er Millennium and Yes I know HOW to vote but I CAN’T along with a whole lot of other people


Well this will be the first mid-term election I will have to miss. I know it’s our civic duty but when certain laws are in place to prevent you for voting for not so various reasons and only in some states then you can’t so please don’t guilt us for not voting as we are already being punished for it – literally.

That having been said I will be able to vote in 2020 and I will posit a position that we END voter suppression for non-incarcerated and/or non-violent offenders. With the population as it is today this should be a no-brainer. Unfair laws should be voted on by the people who are/were harmed by them. Those on probation/parole have essentially fulfilled their sentences and if you want to extend suppression of voting rights for repeat VIOLENT offenders then I could see that as well. Laws can be changed and hopefully for the better of EVERYONE. The other thing that needs to be changed is the gross stigma tied to POOR offenders. White collar criminals need to be punished more justly and not allowed to “buy” their way out of it.

All drugs need to be decriminalized – not legalized, except for marijuana. You can still restrict certain activities like dispensing/receiving without a legitimate prescription by a legitimate seller/pharmacist, driving and/or operating heavy machinery while under the influence and employers can still suspend or fire drugged or drunk employees/executives while on the job or at the workplace.  What’s kind of humorous about this is that liquor establishments were shut down on voting day so that people wouldn’t vote drunk. I think GREED is a far more insidious disease that warrants extreme stigma against it!

Still not really satisfied…

“Thought I’d something more to say…”

Not quite sure how to do much of anything on here still. I see Gaysians is now following me, can’t figure out why but hope I can come up with some fun stuff.

They still haven’t told me what I get for paying $180 dollars a year and if I don’t get any REAL help soon I will probably scrap this idiot thing and definitely not renew next year.

I tried following some dork on YouTube who only made it worse. I should have just kept to the free plan. As you can see this is what is currently making me hangrier than usual.

The political shit show that is that orange, ass-hat-buffoon that thinks it’s a president and his maga-maggots, does make me as a gay man more nervous than ever.  And now fucking Grammarly is fucking up. I’m done with it. I just want a simple spell checker and these ass hats don’t have one either.

Now On to Some juicier Stuff

I had some other posts that got lost in draft land that dealt with movies, philosophy, belief… but they are gone. Now that I’m officially PAYING  for this privilege I hope to do more and to GET more support.

One of my big bugaboos is my change of religious thought. I was a funny mentalist Christianist  but am now a born again pagan with Sufi/Human/Agnostic leanings. I have a wonderfully complicated spiritual background since my “graduation” from a spiritual school some 15 years ago. For me to get more into that background I would have to say that I came to find that as a species with a bent towards spiritual matters we are more a worshiper of tools than of deities. Our bodies are tools, our belief systems are tools, our most passionate hobbies are tools. Tools – those things or ideas that assist us with staying alive both physically as well as psychologically/spiritually – what we live for. We know that we are not the only tool using species on this planet but we tend to make our tools more special than most other species make theirs. Religion is just a tool – nothing more and nothing less. We often call these kind of tools mechanisms i.e. coping mechanisms, healing mechanisms, social mechanisms etc.

Some forms of religions teach us to rely heavily on some of those mechanisms and some teach to use them only when needed and then let them go until they are needed again – these latter religions also warn us about getting habituated and or addicted to those same mechanisms. Christianity is of the former school of “though” and you could say that Buddhism/Taoism are of the latter. An interesting note is that you can get addicted to all these forms and not realize it.